Jikes Hindi

Mehengi Jaga Chaltay Hai

Wife: Aji suniye, mujhe kisi mehengi jaga le ke chaliye na ji….

Husband: Chalo, tayyar ho jao…

**********

Father and Son were in conversation on the beach :
Son:Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
Father: Tumhe nahe pata ?
Son: Nahe pata.
Father: Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .
**********



Ek ladka ladki dekhne gaya...

Both are in a room for 10 minutes to talk each other...

Ladki (Darte hue) : Bhaiya aap kitne bhai bahen hain?

Ladka : Abhi tak to 3 the..lekin ab 4 ho gaye.
**********



boy- lagta hai hum dono ek sath nhi rah sakte
girl- kya mere papa se mile the
boy- nhi mai tumhari choti bhen se mila tha.
**********



Ques...Bharat ka sabse bada pralay ka din kaun sa hoga.?
Ans...Jis din rakhi ---*---
aur friendship day ---!!---
ek saath padega
**********



kal main ne hawksbay per dekkha, 4 addmi ne eik saat sumander main chalang lagaye magar
sirf eik ke baal gheley howe
ye kase mumkin hain?
baqi 3 ganje they
**********



Mashooka: Lagta hai meri aankh mein kuch gir gaya, dekho to.
Mashook: Ek tinka dikh to raha hai, kyon na usey wahin rahne diya jaye main doobonga to sahara dega
**********



Life before marriage is AIRTEL-aisi azadi aur kaha! After marriage is
HUTCH- whenever go network follows u. but after 5 years life is notreachable.
**********



Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti dinbhar tumhare hathon me rehti
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din nayi nayi to milti.
**********



Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman!
You have only 2 eyes.......
But you sight every woman. Now tellme asali Ravan kaun?
**********



BROTHER: BAHN MERE DOST AYE HAI CHAI BANA DO
SISTER: NAHI ME NAHI BANA RAHI
BROTHER: BANA DE JAB TERE YAAR AYENGE TAB ME BANA DOUNGA
**********


Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar AA raha hai....
ghar ke sab khilone chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, who apne khilone pahechan lega.
**********


CURCUIT- bhai bapu(gandhiji) ne bola tha ki kabhi jhoot nahi bolneka, aaj se apun bhi jhoot nahi bolega
MUNNA BHAI- hey curcuit wo sunita ka baap ayela hai tereko dhund reyla hai
CURCUIT- bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai kheti karneko
MUNNA BHAI- pan abhi to tu bola ki kabhi jhoot nahi bolega
CURCUIT-apun jhoot nahi bolega par tu to bol sakta hai na
**********


MAMMU-ye chand to raat mein nikalta hai aj din mein kaise nikal gaya
GIRL-ullu to raaat mein bolta hai aaj din mein kaise bol pada`
**********


curcuit- hey mammu papad aur jhapat mein kya fark hai
MAMMu- nahi pata
curcuit- to kha ke dekhle pata chal jayega
**********


Girl to boy: u will try to kiss me, mien shoor macha dongi,
Boy: Lakin yaha tu door door tak koi nahien hay.
Girl: i know but formilty tu karni hi pare gi
**********

aik larki darzi ki dukan pa jati hai aur pochti hai, G yah galay miltay hain?
Darzi: waisay galay miltay tou nahi hain laykin ap kahti hain tou mil laytay hain.
**********


lady drinking coke, machar falls in .
lady take it out ,
machar says ;maaaaaaaa
lady ask why u did u call me maaaaaaaaaaaa
machar says mien teri kook(COKE) se nikla hon maaaaaaaaaaaaa
**********


God apun se puchha, kidhar jana mangta? SWARG YA NARK? Apun bola NARK! Apun janta, tum saala dost log udharich milega. Aur jidhar tum log,woich apun ka swarg.
**********


3 boys where going on a motor cycle. policeman gives hand to stop sardar shouted oye pehle hi teen bhete hai tu kaha bethega...!
**********


Kisi VAKEEL s pyar mat karna vo kahega"I OBJECT" Kisi DOCTOR S pyar mat karna vo kahega "NEXT" Pyar karna TEACHER Se kahega"DO IT 5 Times"
**********


ek din mirinda aur 7up ladne lage jab pepsi ne poocha app logh kyun ladh rahe hoo, tu mirinda aur 7up ne pepsi se kaha sale kale tu apna kaam kar.
**********



Santa buys Indian Flag

Santa to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India ka flag dikhao.
Shopkeeper ne flag dikhaya,
Santa: - Isme aur colour dikhao.
**********


Sandal nikalu kya?

Boy : Jaan-e-man… ees dil me aaja na!
Girl : Sandal nikalu kya?
Boy : Pagli, yeh mandir nahi… aise hi aaja!!
**********

English SMS

The mediocre teacher tells, the gud teacher explains,
the superior teacher demonstrates & the great teacher inspires,
like U. Happy Teacher's Day

There is a gift that gold cannot buy,
a blessing dats rare & true, that's the
gift of a wonderful person coming into ur

life like I have in U!

The most beautiful thing is to see a person
smiling & even more beautiful is knowing that
u r the reason behind it. Be a reason for others
to smile. Gud Day!

Wake up & wink those teeny
weeny eyes, stretch those inzy winzy bones,
wear that jolly winning smile & tell urself today is a beautiful day.
Gud Morning.

What makes some people Dearer?
It's not just the happiness
that u feel when u meet them but
the pain u feel, when u miss them. Miss U

Sun glows for a day,
candle for an hour,
matchstick for a minute,
but a good day can glow forever,
so start ur day with a smile.
Gud Day

If I could pull down the rainbow,
I'd write ur name with it & put it
back in the sky to let everybody know
how colorful my life is with a friend
like u

Do u know the relation between smile & ur face?
Ur face luks gud with a smile but smile luks better
when it's on ur face... Keep Smiling.

The breeze has awakened the Earth & Sun has
coloured our world. The birds have added melody
to the morning & I hope I'm not late to wish U
Gud Morning

Biscuit maker's Luv Letter:-
Dear Marie yesterday was a very Good Day,
our meeting was truely Nice,
but the chance of our Luv is 50-50 coz
ur dad is a Tiger.
Will u give ur Littlr Heart 2 me?
Otherwise I'll become a Krack-Jack

Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?
Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.

When I send SMS to u,
it doesn't mean that u have to do the same...
U can also send fruits, drinks, pizza, chocolates by courier.
DD & Cheques r also accepted.

People who do lots of work…make lots of mistakes,
People who do less work…make less mistakes,
People who do no work…make no mistakes,
People who make no mistakes…get promoted.

What is the height of Flirting?
It's When your love letter starts with: TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN

Kya hoga agar Pepsodent waale condom banaye to...??

Hona kya hai? Raat bhar Dishum, dishum...!

Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.

Heart is like a crystal, preserve it.
Luv is like perfume, spread it.
Feelings r like flood, flow it.
Friendship is like an umbrella,
come lets share it

Girls Psychology - Fraud with Innocent Boys;
Fun with Handsome Boys;
Friendship with Charming Boys;
Contacts with Intelligent Boys;
Flirt with Freaky Boys;
Love with Faithful Boys &
in the end Marriage with the Rich Boy

Jokes English

A momma asked her ten-year-old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears.

Confused, the mother asked her son what was wrong.

"Oh Mom," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech.

At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter Bunny' speech.

Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no Tooth Fairy' speech!

If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really have sex,
I've got nothing left to live for!!!"


Don't keep all that laughter to yourself!!

Click here to send this to friends, family and loved ones!



A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant.

To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"

"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."

*******

Jessica was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates... "I know you haven't been getting much lately...but I didn't know you were so worried about it!"

*******

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.

"What are they doing, Grandma?" asked the little girl.

The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor."

They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?" said the little one.

"How do you mean?" asked the Grandma.

"Offer someone a helping hand," said the little girl, "and they f**k you everytime!"

*******

My aunt used to tell me there were three kinds of sex in a marriage. There was exciting sex, necessary sex, and hallway sex. "Exciting sex is when you're first married and you can't wait to get at each other. Necessary sex is after you've been married for seven or eight years and it's more of a chore than anything else. . . .

AND Hallway sex is after you've been married for thirty or forty years and you pass each other in the hallway and say "f**k You!"

*******

"Do you have any batteries?" a woman asks the hardware store clerk.

"Yes, m'am." The clerk gestures with his finger. "Can you come this way?"

"If I could come that way," the woman says, "I wouldn't need the batteries."

*******

Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck inside of her.

"To remove that vibrator," said the doctor, "I'm going to have to perform a very long and delicate operation."

"I don't think I can afford that," said Sally. "Could you just replace the batteries?"

*******

A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider.

"Why do you want cider?" asked Mom.

"To take the pain away," sobbed the little girl.

Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass.

The little girl immediately put her hand into the drink.

"It doesn't work!" she yelled.

"What do you mean?" asked Mom.

"Well," sniffed the little girl, "I overheard my sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."

*******

The husband was furious when he found out the checking account was empty. When he confronted his wife, she simply said, "It's my turn."

"What do you mean, your turn?" yelled the husband.

"In bed," she explained, "you've been making early withdrawals for years. Now, it's my turn."
********

When u fall in love there is no power to stop u,
But only one power that can stop u?
Guess what????
"Abbey di juttian"..

Hindi SMS

Bengali patient: Doc sahab,
potla-potla totti aata hai, khane ko man nahin
karta hai.

Doc: Yeh lo dawai, mota-mota totti

aayega, jaise marzi kaat ke khana

Boy: Tum gaana bahut achcha aato ho.
Gal: Nahin, mein to sirf bathroom singer hoon.
Boy: To bulaao na kabhi, mehfil jamaate hain.

Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya kahenge?
A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal.

Thought of the day: Agar aap bus pe chade...
ya phir bus aap pe chade...
dono marthaba ticket aapka hi kat tha hai

Rabba dukh na devin yaar mere nu,
saanu chahe dukhan da pahaar de de,
Phire nawe HERO JET cycle utte yaar mera,
saanu bhaven purani Mercedes car de de.

Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the:

ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN.

Ravan was sent to court & was asked to keep a hand on Geeta.
He refused saying: Sita par hath rakh kar itni musibat aayi!
Ab Geeta pe haath nahin rakhunga

J kade tera kalle da paga 10 bandeyan naal pai jaave ta mainu sad layin,
main kade kisi nu kut paindi nahin dekhi !

Kuri waley Munde nu: Tusi nonveg khandey ho?
Munda: Haan
Sharaab?
Haan
Drugs?
Haan
Jua?
Haan
Sab kuch negative hai, kuch positive ve hai?
Munda: Haanji, HIV+

Khuda kare tujhe khushiyan hazaar mile,
mujhse bhi achche yaar mile,
meri galfriend tujhe raakhi baandhe
aur tujhe ek aur behan ka pyar mile

Gabbar: Kitne admi they?

Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata>
Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do

Plz pass this SMS to all ur friends. A person urgently needs 3 bottles of....

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Foster beer (chilled) with chips. It's urgent Cell no & name is as displayed

Taza hawa ka jhoka aya, Khusbu apke sath aya,
par phir mere dil main khayal aya,
ke aaj bhi apne nahi nahaya.
Jack



"HAPPY BIRTH DAY 2 U" !! - surprised na ??
are ... aaj ke din Thomas Edison ne
"TUBE LIGHT" banya tha !!
to maine socha har tube light ko wish kar du..
So congrats yaar.
Jack



sardar travelling in Air .......... asked for milk from air hostess
she gave him her nipple in his mouth .
sardar !! aacha hua pani nahi manga !!!!!!.



aankho se kyun anshu jhalak jate hai,
hamari tahio main kyun gam yaad ate hai,
ashu poch kar koi eai to bata de,
rulane wala hi aksar hame yaad ate hai??



Har chiz Bikti hai duniya main,
phir judai kyun riswat nahi leti ,
Marta nahi koi kisi se juda hokar
bas ye yadeen hi hai jo jeene nahi deti ........